The Hand of Karma ch. 1

Night loomed black and gloomy over the city of Thelsod. The workers and townspeople had long since returned to their homes to escape the torrential summer rainstorm. The streets were silent, with its only ambience the sound of raindrops pattering on the ground in unison, and the occasional thunderbolt that boomed across the sky, sending a flash of light and a mighty roar to those who looked upon it.

One such viewer was an 18-year old boy named Aoi, sitting underneath his family's backyard awning, watching as the downpour raged on. His silky black hair shone in the moonlight, bound up in a ponytail behind him, and he wore a deep, dark blue outfit, consisting of an open-buttoned jacket, jeans, and boots. His eyes gazed into the storm not with awe or reverence, but with an empty feeling of apathy. He recalled his lessons in the junior academy: for Thelsodians, the squalls were a gift of life, a sign of the gods watching over them from atop the mountain peaks in the distance. The gods were supposed to protect everyone and bring them happiness for their piety. But now, all they seemed to be were a mockery to him. He looked up at the sky, lost in thought.

Giver of rain… Lords of the mountain… Everyone loves you, and depends on you to survive, he thought. You have so much power… What about me?

Aoi closed his eyes, and a feeling of hatred and frustration welled up from within him. It burned like an inferno, fueled by the memories of everything that happened.

What makes you so special, to be so adored, as if I was but an insect in comparison?

He clenched the arms of the chair with his fists, his body taken over by the hazy blur inside. A familiar feeling – one of sadness, anger, self-loathing. Day after day, he had felt the same emotion, and it pervaded no matter how much he tried to change it. It beat on his psyche relentlessly, taking over his thoughts and actions. He sighed, trying to calm himself down.

Don’t we all deserve to be loved?

He sat back up in the chair and stared at the ground. As he closed his eyes, his memory began to drift back to his past.

                                                                                     X X X

In the pristine-looking living room of a small, upscale house, a young Aoi smiled at his parents, beaming happily. He wore a blue schoolboy shirt that his parents had just bought for him, along with shorts, sneakers, and a nifty backpack filled with school supplies. He still wore his hair in a ponytail, as was custom from his hometown, Koutaira to the far east.

His voice rang out like a lark’s – “I'm so excited! When are we going to school?” He did a little hop.

His mom and dad were hard workers, dressed in formal outfits and carrying themselves as such. His father answered – “We’ll be leaving very soon.”

Aoi smiled even wider - “Oh boy!”

He had been homeschooled by his parents for five years – today was his first day attending public school, at the age of 10. His parents were very matter-of-fact and strict about his behavior. His dad worked as a military officer in the Thelsodian army on dispatch from their home nation, and his mom was a financial advisor to an affluent distributor in the Thelsod region. They were very wealthy from their professions, and their surroundings certainly showed it. Aoi had never wanted for anything under their roof.

His dad remarked, “Today’s a big day for you, huh? You’re starting on the path to becoming successful. I remember when I was in grade school.” He reminisced contently. “And by the grace of the gods, here I am now.”

Aoi’s mom raised her finger with a stern, almost matronly look, and warned him – “Aoi, this’ll be your first day learning with other students. Remember your etiquette, appearance is everything.”

Aoi nodded. “Uh-huh.” He was practically bursting with excitement at the prospect of his first day in school.

“Be mindful of everyone, be courteous, and don't speak unless spoken to. I expect you to do excellently at your work – study hard. Giving up isn't an option. Always act like a model Cherlan and make us proud.”

“Okay!”

His father added, “If anyone is rude to you, just ignore them - don't start a fight, don't retaliate. You're more civilized and proper than that.”

Aoi looked curious. “I’ll try.”

“Good,” his father said. “We have an appearance to uphold, and if you do as we tell you, you’ll be fine.” He took Aoi's hand and they opened the front door, revealing the vista of their affluent Thelsodian street.

Aoi looked around at the high-rise white wooden houses and the clean, symmetrical bricks of the lobby sidewalk – he had rarely been out here except to go shopping with his parents. He would stay in their house’s library and read book after book. He never had much of a wanderlust, so he used them as something of an escape. He recalled the storybooks he kept with him when they moved from home – there was one about a fox who could change shape to play pranks on people. That one was the best. He loved to read that one over and over. He smiled warmly upon recalling it.

They approached the trolley - open-top, painted bright red and rolling along its tracks to the stop. Its seating rows were jam packed with kids Aoi’s age, preparing for the new school year. Aoi’s dad pushed him forward, eliciting a once again curious look from Aoi.

“Go on,” his father remarked, lightly pushing Aoi towards it.

After looking on the cart for a few seconds, Aoi jumped onto one of the trolley seats. He felt the solid white steel of the carriage, and marveled at the sight of all these new people. The vehicle’s airy horn tooted as it continued its course away from the stop.

The driver stated playfully over the intercom in a gruff voice, “Next stop, Greater Thelsod Academy, Primary School!”

Aoi waved at his parents, but watched as they turned their back to him and returned to their home. He felt a tinge of loneliness noticing their quick, decisive departure, with almost nonchalance. This is a big day for me, guys... Couldn’t you at least wave bye…?

Aoi heard a voice from behind him – “Hey, who’s this new kid?”

He turned around to find a boy with straight blonde hair dressed in a blue striped polo shirt, jeans, and flashy sneakers, with a smirk on his face. Aoi responded with a warm smile – “My name’s Aoi. What's yours?”

“Aoi? Sounds like ‘owie’. Did you get a boo-boo?” The kid chortled.

Aoi blushed in embarrassment. “N-no! It’s foreign! Ah-oh-ee! My parents are proud of their legacy! We used to live in Koutaira.”

The kid looked surprised. “Oh, you’re like one of those weird samurai kids who drinks too much tea right?” The kid walked up the aisle to sit next to Aoi. “Move, this is my seat.” He shoved him to the outside of the cart with his side, sat down with a dull clunk, and nudged him roughly with his elbow. “What’s with that dumb ponytail, anyways? You look like a girl,” the boy said, raising his eyebrows at Aoi.

Aoi’s face turned red with indignation. A feeling rose up inside of him, one that was unfamiliar and scary. He lightly shook his head to try and dispel it.

“You’d better be on your best behavior. This is my turf, and you’re not welcome here.” The kid glanced at Aoi, still wearing the same smirk.

Aoi looked frustrated. “Well, you-“

“You what? Are you gonna do somethin'?” He flipped his hair with his hand, making a cocky expression.

“I'm…” Aoi remembered his father's words. “No… I guess I'm not.”

“Yuh-huh. That's what I thought, wimp.” The boy crossed his arms and smiled.

Aoi was visibly hurt. He looked around for anyone to help him out, to stick up for him like they did in the books. Not a soul was paying attention. The blonde kid just chuckled, clearly pleased with himself.

A little while afterwards, the trolley docked at the school. It loomed overhead, imposing like a castle. A massive stone façade greeted their arrival, arches preceding three steel double doors that looked somewhat small in comparison to the outside. Above the middle arch, the Thelsodian sigil was emblazoned. Three jewels, green, red, and blue, arranged in a triangle around a white halo. Aoi’s mind wandered to the thought of their patron saint, Kobo. Surely the righteous will prevail, I hope…?

The kids all got up in a chaotic throng to get off the trolley and head towards the entrance, making a raucous clamor.

Aoi got up as well, but when he went to step off the trolley, he was violently shoved from behind. His face landed in the grass below, and the same obnoxious voice rang out – “Out of my way, wimp!”

He rose from the grass, wiping his face, to find the blonde kid running up ahead of him. He looked around again – no one was paying attention to him, as they were all busy queuing up ahead. Maybe not right away, he thought. Worried, he got up and brushed the grass and dirt off his clothes, following the crowd of kids up to the school.

Near the foot of the steps there was a group of 10 lines set up with large plain lettering above them assembled from A to J, separated by belt barriers. Aoi pulled his class card out of his backpack and looked it over.

“Class… H.” He looked up to see the letter written above a line to the right.

He approached the H line, only to find the blonde boy waving at him again.

“Hey, dork!”

Aoi felt his heart drop once again, but said nothing. He was forced to stand behind the boy, so he stayed silent and looked at the ground to avoid eye contact.

“Nothin’ to say? Pff. Weirdo,” the boy commented.

Aoi responded under his breath with the slightest of huffs. Don’t provoke him, he thought.

The voice of the line attendant rang out from the kiosk, the line moving at a steady pace.

“Anita Kari? Check. Callie Hoss? Check. Ricky Sevus?”

The blonde boy flipped his hair once more at the attendant with a suave, cool demeanor.

“Check. Uh…”

Aoi looked at the attendant blankly.

The attendant asked, “H-how do you spell this?” He motioned to the clipboard, looking confused.

“Aoi. Aoi Masayo.” Without thinking, he bowed respectfully.

“Oh, alright. Aoi Masayo. Check.” He continued dutifully marking his roll sheet.

Aoi looked back at the attendant as he walked through the kiosk up the steps, slightly saddened. It’s okay, Aoi, you can do this, he thought. Surely there’ll be some nice people?

He entered the building and observed the interior – dull, grey, and bland, just like the brown brick wall outside. There were notices posted on the board in front of him, and four hallways jutting out at either side of the back wall, students everywhere looking for their proper classes. He looked once more at his itinerary. “Room 137?”

The sign on the wall to the right was printed in formal-looking lettering – “Rooms 130-139” followed by a right-facing arrow. He meandered forward steadily, each step of his sneakers impacting the ceramic floor with a sharp clop, combining with the others’ footsteps and the echo of the hallways to give the place an air of dread, as if the air was choking him.

Aoi’s anxiety had him on edge after his run-in with… what did he say… Ricky Sevus? Yes, that’s it. Despite this, Aoi continued, the sign leading him to a nondescript wooden door. He opened the door slowly and peeked inside. The classroom was set in white brick all around, and wooden desks were arranged in three rows of two towards the end of the classroom.

And, somehow Aoi knew, in his heart… there he was.

Ricky was in front of the class, waving. “Hey, it’s me guys! Ricky’s here!”

A few girls in the corner waved back. “Hi, Ricky~!”

Aoi simply looked at him, confused. What did I do to deserve this, he thought. Ricky glanced at him for a moment, then returned to his seat.

A civil, posh-looking woman came through the door behind Aoi. She wore glasses and a blue, formal button-up dress. She sternly addressed Aoi, with a crack of the meterstick in her right hand against the hard ceramic of the floor – “Get to your seat, child. Class is in session.”

Aoi looked up at her. “B-but, but!” He pointed at Ricky, who smiled at the teacher with the most innocent face he could muster.

The woman retorted with an even sterner look. “Now!”

Aoi, leering at Ricky, took his seat in the only remaining chair – which was one row separated from Ricky’s seat. He stuck his tongue out at Aoi as the woman took her seat. She addressed the class.

“Greetings, children. I am Mrs. Secura. And welcome to my classroom. Please take out your books and I will begin the roll.” She arranged everything neatly on her desk at the front of the classroom as she spoke.

She read off the different names on the roll, and the students around Aoi raised their hands in rhythm with their names being called.

She paused for a moment – “Ow-ee Masayo?”

Upon hearing this, Aoi simply sighed and raised his hand. “Yes, here.”

“Okay, good. Then we can begin. Please pay your daily respects to our school’s patriarchs, Kobo and the Holy Visage.”

As Mrs. Secura held her hands together, the students did the same. Aoi gave a prayer in his mind. May the gods bless me with kindness and happiness on this day. As his train of thought finished, he felt something small hit him from the left. He opened his eyes to find a balled up scrap of paper on the ground next to him. Glancing up, Ricky was smirking at him.

Aoi spoke up – “Hey, that’s not nice.”

The teacher responded quickly and tersely to Aoi – “Show some respect, child!”

Without any choice, Aoi had to hold his breath and pray that things would get better. It’s only my first day, right? It couldn’t get any worse. He tried to smile and stay positive.

After a while, Mrs. Secura broke the silence. “Now that morning prayer is over, let’s move on to the mathematics course.”

Aoi looked at the students around him. There were boys and girls of many unique features and traits, all busy at work in their notebooks. Likewise, he took out his notes and began diligently watching as the class proceeded, trying to put Ricky and the recent events out of his mind. It’ll be alright, he thought.

                                                                                     X X X

As the first half of class concluded, Aoi and the rest of the class lined up and were ushered through the hall by the teacher. She was reciting orders – “Back straight, eyes forward, keep quiet!”

Aoi was quiet and composed, just like he was taught. The other children around him seemed to have some difficulty following Mrs. Secura’s commands, as there were shh’s being traded throughout the line. They seemed foreign to Aoi – obedience seemed to him to be a given.

The students arrived at the end of the hallway, and the teacher opened the door to a quaint-looking playground filled with brown mulch, bordered by a wooden outline, and set between the two wings of the school surrounded by a field of green grass.

Mrs. Secura addressed the class matter-of-factly: “You have twenty minutes.” She swung her meterstick in the direction of the playground.

With that, the group dispersed outwards. Aoi looked at the teacher questioningly. She gazed back with an annoyed look. “It’s recess, child. Haven’t you heard of mingling with your classmates?”

A slight ping of fear ran through Aoi’s body. “Mingle?”

“Yes. Get to know your peers. Like a rascal like you undoubtedly already does at home. Time’s ticking.” She looked at her watch casually.

Aoi walked up uneasily to the group of six kids having gathered near the middle of the playground. He overheard their banter.

The black-haired girl asked, “What do you think we’re gonna do this year?”

Another young-looking red bob-haired girl responded, “I heard that we’re gonna learn some kinda ‘aljee-bra’.”

Aoi recalled his parents’ words – Don’t speak unless spoken to. He looked back at Mrs. Secura, lost in her study, and then tried to speak up to greet the group. “Hi… I’m Aoi.”

The group continued talking amongst themselves, unaware of his presence.

“W-what are you guys talking about?”

No response but silence as the group had their backs to him.

Can anyone hear me…? he thought.

Aoi closed his eyes and tried not to cry. He belted out, “Hey, listen to me!”

The group members all looked at him at once, prompting Aoi to shy away nervously with a demure expression.

The blond girl dressed in a flashy outfit quipped, “We’re a little busy here. Do you mind not being an attention hog?” She shrugged, shaking her head.

“B-but I’m not! I just wanted to make friends…”

The brown-haired boy crossed his arms and remarked, “Not when you scream at us out of the blue.”

“I already said hi twice…” Aoi looked at the ground, the feeling from before returning to him, prodding him, urging him to act. He clenched his fists. Don’t start a fight, he thought.

The group parted to reveal Ricky peering down at him. His voice came out condescending and cutting in its tone. “A silly kotie like you doesn’t deserve friends anyway. Why don’t you just go meditate or something?”

The feelings inside of Aoi came to a head at hearing Ricky’s insult, and he burst into tears. He cried, “Why are you being so mean to me?!”

Another red-headed boy in the group chimed in, “Stop being such a whiny bitch. We all know you just want attention.”

But is there really anything wrong with that, Aoi thought.

Scattered ooh’s rose from the group at the comment.

The blonde girl smirked at the red-head. “He said a bad word~!”

Mrs. Secura looked up, unamused. She approached the group, crossing her arms.

“All of you, show some decency! The deities wouldn’t take kindly to your behavior!” She then looked at Aoi. “And you! Stop riling up the group, you’re making my job much, much harder.” After saying her piece, she returned to the bench to her book.

Aoi looked on, wiping away his tears, shooting the aloof teacher a despairing look. He walked to the other end of the park and sat down on the side of the playground, losing himself in his thoughts. Some kids were playing on the jungle gym, and Aoi heard lightly creaking metal and the sound of children playing behind him.

Is this what happens when I speak out on my own? Were my parents right…?

Aoi buried his face in his arms, sobbing and sniffling. The group continued their chat in the distance. Aoi had no choice but to watch further and listen, stuck on the playground with the class.

The blonde girl continued, “Who was that weirdo kid, anyway?”

Ricky responded, “Sorry Callie, that’s the new kotie kid, He’s some sort of exchange student. He’s really annoying.”

The brown-haired boy added, “Surely – he just yelled at us out of nowhere. Who does that?”

The red bob-haired girl shrugged. “What a jerk~!”

The red-headed boy gave the group a curious look. “What was with that ponytail, anyway? It’s confusing. Are they a boy or a girl?”

The black-haired girl waved it off. “Don’t know, don’t care. I wish he’d stop interrupting us, though.”

Aoi’s heart was pierced by every comment like knives, and the tears kept coming. Why do they get to have friends?

He watched the other kids hard at play on the jungle gym and swings, and tried to dry his tears again. He looked up at the sky. A few lonely clouds were interspersed throughout the sky. Aoi felt an empty feeling in his heart, his soul churning slowly with the slow passing of the strata streaking the skyscape.

                                                                                     X X X

Later, he heard the teacher’s voice ring out – “Alright everyone, back in line!”

She waved her stick, and the kids followed her back through the hallway to their classroom.

Upon returning to his seat, Aoi didn’t even look at the other students. His eyes were firmly placed on the language arts lesson on the blackboard, trying desperately to ease his mind. But the words just kept repeating themselves, tormenting him.

Before long, Aoi found that he had spaced out in thought, the first page of his composition book devoid of notes, and the bell rang out. His heart jumped - oh no, he thought.

The class lined up once again, and followed Mrs. Secura down the hall straight down to an expansive lunchroom, walls almost like white marble, with a high ceiling and windows near the top, dotting the walls. The afternoon sunlight peeked through the windows, giving a dully lit feel to the place. Long tables were installed in the room, a row of six to a side, dotted by numerous stools on either side. Students from other classes were already jabbering and eating together in groups at their tables.

Mrs. Secura clapped to gain the class’s attention – “Lunch. Thirty minutes. Go.” And with a whip of her meterstick, Aoi’s focus transferred to the lunch queues at the far side of the room.

Before the teacher had even begun talking, the queues had filled up past the doors. Making a face of frustration, Aoi approached the line and waited.

Peering into the kitchen, it was pearl-colored tile, filled with stainless steel kitchenware. A lunch lady was filling the top of the kiosk with lunch trays, almost slower than they were being taken by the students. She looked strangely bored, or disillusioned – Aoi couldn’t tell which.

It seemed like an eon before the line moved enough for him to finally stand before the trays. They were made of flimsy foam material, containing gravy glazed turkey, some mashed potatoes, and a handful of corn.

“Oh boy,” Aoi said flatly.

It was fifteen long minutes before Aoi could exit the lengthy line to find a table. He looked around at the busy tables, all the children of the school chatting amongst one another. The din of conversation melded together into a cacophony of noise, and it drilled into Aoi’s already throbbing headache.

He thought about joining them, but something in his heart dropped, and he closed his eyes, remembering what he had been told.

Not again, Aoi. Just wait for someone to come to you.

He scanned the cafeteria for an empty table. He spied one in the back by the door. Taking one last look around, he made the trek towards the table to sit down and eat his meal, feeling drained. No one even glanced at him as he ate.

He had barely finished his turkey before the bell rang again.

Mrs. Secura was rounding up her students in a line, trying to coordinate with the other teachers manning the multiple doors. Aoi heard bickering –

“Corey, over here, this is your line!”

“Is everybody here?”

“Head count!”

Once the chaos dispersed, and everyone was accounted for, the students were lined up by class in the front of the cafeteria.

Aoi looked at his unfinished plate sadly. He paced towards the trash can, and looked back at the line, hesitating for a moment before throwing it out.

His line had already begun to move, so Aoi hastened his pace to catch up with it.

They returned to the classroom to finish out their day. Aoi’s stomach grumbled at him, and he struggled to keep focus on the board during their science lesson. Diagrams, tables, and images were presented in laminates on the board, but he couldn’t process any of it. All he could think of was his time at recess, the trolley ride, lunch, everything...

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After the period, the release bell rang out. The students began to cheer and scramble out of the classroom. Aoi simply put his head on his desk, mentally and emotionally fatigued.

As the kids cleared out, Mrs. Secura addressed Aoi directly. “Aren’t you going to go? Class has concluded.”

Aoi responded, “The kids are mean to me.”

The teacher remarked, “If they’re mean to you, just don’t talk to them. Makes sense, yes?” She gathered the stuff from her desk.

Just don’t talk to them, the thought echoed in Aoi’s mind. “Okay.”

The teacher exited the classroom. Aoi lingered for a few moments before catching up with the class towards the trolleys.

The trolleys had already started up when Aoi arrived. Ricky taunted him from over the side – “Hey, you lazy-ass, we’re gonna leave you behind!” His youthful voice gave every word out of his mouth a mocking tone.

Aoi’s pace didn’t change, as Ricky’s comment simply bounced off of him.

Fortunately, the trolley driver did not oblige Ricky’s threat, and Aoi boarded the trolley. Ricky patted the open seat next to him… which happened to be the only seat left. Oh, joy, he thought.

“C’mon, wimp.”

Reluctantly, Aoi sat next to Ricky. He stared out the left side of the trolley, as to not have to look at him during their trip.

Just don’t talk to him, he repeated in his mind.

As the trolley rotated through its stops throughout the suburbs, Aoi saw the afternoon people of Thelsod bustling in the streets. He saw streetside marketplaces, coffee shops, and trinket stores. He noticed priests standing outside the regional churches holding donation boxes. He saw couples and groups chatting with one another, almost effortlessly, as if they were family.

Family, he thought. Why can’t I have family like that? Aoi thought of his parents and their stares as he left on the trolley that morning. Cold, emotionless… unsympathetic. All he could feel was a chill, without any sense of belonging.

The trolley stopped in a shabby-looking neighborhood, and its pause was answered by a rough shove from Ricky, followed by another passing taunt – “Get out of my way kotie, this is my stop!”

As Ricky made his way to the door, the blonde girl from before stood in front of Aoi, now laying on the floor of the aisle. She put her hands on her hips and gave him a malicious stare. “Get out of the aisle, jerk!”

Aoi struggled to get up and return to his seat. Ricky’s voice echoed faintly from the sidewalk, “Hey Callie, hurry up! We got a pizza party at my place tonight!”

The blonde girl, Callie, nodded to Ricky, and the queue of students exited the trolley. Aoi rubbed his back tenderly, having been pushed in the same place as before. “Oww…”

Soon enough, the trolley docked at his neighborhood. He instinctively clutched the seat in front of him. However, Ricky was gone. He smacked his face lightly in embarrassment, before getting up to leave the trolley.

No one was waiting for him when he got down on the sidewalk. Worried, he made his way down the plaza towards his house, backpack rustling behind him with every step.

He knocked on his front door. After fifteen long seconds, he was greeted by his mother. “Oh, hello Aoi. How did your first day of school go?”

Aoi looked up at her sadly. “Terrible. All the kids were mean to me and I couldn’t make any friends.”

His mother responded, “Aw, I’m sorry to hear that. Come inside.”

They both sat down at the table. Aoi’s father joined them shortly afterwards.

He spoke up – “You say they were mean to you?”

Aoi nodded. “Mhm.”

“What did I tell you about not speaking unless spoken to?”

Aoi’s eyes widened, and he looked down at the table. “I’m sorry.”

“Just ignore them. People can’t be mean to you if you don’t give them your attention. Got it?”

Aoi nodded weakly. “Okay, Dad.”

His mother continued, “We’ll be starting dinner at 7:00. Have fun.”

And with that, his parents returned to their work in their offices, leaving Aoi alone in the dining room once again.

He got up and paced towards the lowered living room, and sat down on the couch, staring at the unlit fireplace. It and the arrangement of the velvet furniture made it seem like a waste to Aoi that it was used so infrequently. His parents seemed to be in love with their own offices, and they would lock themselves inside for hours. Aoi was the only one who ever spent time here. He lost himself in thought.

Why is it that I have a family, but I still feel lonely, he thought. Is it my fault that everyone’s so cruel and apathetic? What can I do to be like the happy people? I thought today would be a fun first day… He thought about his books again, about the tales of friendship and camaraderie, the people outside who seemed like such good friends. What do they have that I don’t? Why don’t people like me?

He looked up at the posh-looking gold-plated clock behind the couch. The clock had struck 3:00 PM.

Aoi reached his right hand onto the end table. It touched something, and he felt a smoothly polished, yet bumpy texture. He turned his head to face it. One of the tomes his mom and dad had borrowed from the Central Thelsodian Library. It was hewn in leather and brocade, and on the front was the same emblem that Aoi saw on the school and the buildings near the Shrine on the north side of town.

Yes, that’s right – it was a tome on the Starshrine’s faith, and that of the province of Thelsod proper. He had been reading it for a while – his parents went to their local temple every week, and they had started bringing him with them a few years ago. The book’s passages were quoted day after day by his parents as if they were magical incantations. He pulled back the elaborate cover to reveal the first page, that was comparatively barren and laconic, yet commanding in its simplicity –

LEXICON CHERLIA

Aoi noticed his bookmark that he had left there since the last time he opened the book. He held the covers and opened it to the pages indicated. Reflexively, his eyes began to skim over the intricate, ancient-looking text.

Jace, book 1, passage 15

…and so He had blessed the world with eight Aspects, and their godly power to protect the lives of Men for all eternity… such that all the wicked would face their judgment, and the righteous would prevail. That no good man should ever feel unwelcome, nor that any should succumb to their sins... And this virtuous saint’s only desire is that we, the Cherlans, follow His example and work towards a brighter future…

Aoi closed his eyes, and was compelled by these words to offer another prayer. He held his hands together. Divine Kobo… Supreme God Cherlye…

I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve to feel like this, but I beg you… Deliver on your promises. Bring me comfort and happiness… if not by my family, my school, my books, then something. He shed a tear, but wiped it away quickly. Something to show me that I belong somewhere.

He opened his eyes, put down the book, and let himself fall into the plush of the couch, exhausted from the events of the day.

                                                                                     X X X

He was awoken by the clanging of pots and pans. His mother’s voice roused him – “Hey, it’s time for dinner!”

They had cooked beef stew with tons of vegetables and gravy. The steam was visible from the top of the pot, and the piercing, bitter yet heavy aroma of the gravy filled the air. His father was already sitting at the table. His mother set the plates out for them, and Aoi joined them at the table.

As they began eating, Aoi asked, “Hey… do you guys have a lot of friends at your job?”

His mother replied, “Well, I wouldn’t call them friends… but we work together at least. We’re all part of a big machine called the tax system.”

His father added, “I wouldn’t worry too much about it, kiddo. Every person on this planet is a speck of dust in the greater scheme of things. One missed connection isn’t the end of the world.”

Just a speck of dust, Aoi thought.

“One person can’t do much to change anything at all. It takes many people working together to make a difference. That’s why we’re working where we are.” His mother took a bite of potato.

“Then how do I make friends?” Aoi asked.

“Just wait for others to come to you. It’ll happen eventually,” his father answered.

“Promise?” Aoi looked sad.

His father nodded. “Promise. It doesn’t really matter how many friends you have, it matters what you can use them for. It’s called networking.”

“Networking?” Aoi looked curiously.

“Yeah,” his mother answered. “Contacts, resources. You have to take from others to get anywhere in the world.”

“Without me and your mother’s influence, we could be replaced just like any other worker.” His dad made a spacious motion.

“But we know how to put people to work for us, and it’s been nothing but a boon for us,” his mother added.

“But… is that the right thing to do?” Aoi asked.

“To get rich in this world you have to do some… less than pleasant things.” His dad shrugged. “But that’s the price you pay for comfort. Nobody cares about nice people.”

“Is that so?” Aoi spun his spoon in his stew.

“We’re nothing more than ants in the eyes of our superiors. That’s why we need to take every advantage to climb the ladder,” his mom noted.

“You don’t need to worry about any of that, though. All you need to do right now is learn.”

“Okay…” Aoi nodded. After a while, he finished his dinner, got up from the table, and waved to his parents. “Good night!”

They waved back at him, “Good night, Aoi.”

He retreated to his room. It was dark at night, casting an eerie blue glow among the felt carpet and bookshelves, creating the illusion of it being haunted. Aoi looked on it with a sense of morbid curiosity after the events of the day. He always thought it looked like one of those creepy horror paintings.

He slid into bed and pulled the sheets above him. I have to believe they’re right, he thought. But somewhere deep within his heart, a speck of darkness was taking form. It spoke to him, in a peep almost inaudible – You know they’re not. But he tried to ignore it, and closed his eyes and went to sleep.

                                                                                     X X X

Sometime later, Aoi opened his eyes again to find it was still dark outside. However, he noticed a peculiar-looking light coming out of the right window, scintillating like a jewel. He rose slowly from the bed to examine it.

His footsteps felt heavy, as if they were encased in lead. He struggled to move his body.

Suddenly, he heard something behind him.

Whispering.

He tried to distinguish what they were saying, but to no avail.

He continued looking back towards the source of the noise, a sudden wave of fear running through him.

“W-who’s there?”

What felt like an age passed before Aoi decided to turn back towards the light beaming into the bedroom. He edged closer towards the window.

Step… step… step…

Without warning, his foot was yanked from under him, tripping him and causing him to fall to the ground with a thud, opening his eyes wide in shock.

His foot was being held by a tenebral hand coming out of the window. It began to pull him. Aoi’s clothing dragged on the floor, coarsely, shaking his very being with every strand of the carpet rubbing against it. He turned his body around and clawed at the carpet trying to find a hold. His mind had ceased to think rationally.

I have to get out of here!

But there was nothing to grab onto – the hand continued to pull him across the carpet. The crystalline light drew closer and closer to Aoi as the hand pulled him up through the window. He felt the warmth wash over his body, but his heart was beating as fast as it ever had. Whimpering, he grabbed onto the windowsill in an attempt to resist. For a moment, Aoi was suspended, the hand trying to pull his body outward, Aoi holding onto the window for dear life. He started crying hysterically.

“L-let me goooo! What do you want with me?!”

Almost as if in response, the whispers returned, more audible this time.

Why do you resist, child?

He saw another dark figure in the distance, seeming less black as more like negative space – like a hole in existence.

It held out a long object… a stick of some kind.

The voice came from it, in an ethereal, surreal tone. You want to meet your maker, don’t you? The figure pointed the stick at him.

It edged closer. Aoi whimpered more loudly, his body shivering in pure terror. His hands were trembling, trying desperately to keep hold of the windowsill, his last safe space, his bastion of hope.

He looked behind him. Instead of seeing the rich district outside of his house, all he could see was the wicked, umbral hand clutching his ankle, a blinding light in the distance, and surrounding it…

Nothing but eternal darkness.

The figure smiled. “No one will ever love you. No one will ever care.” The figure held the stick in her right hand, batting it lightly into her left. Aoi’s heart froze over. He knew exactly what that meant.

“You may as well just surrender to the darkness.”

The figure reared up the stick and jabbed Aoi square in the chest, the impact wrenching Aoi’s grip from the windowsill.

The hand pulled Aoi downward into the abyss, away from the light. Aoi belted out an ear-splitting scream as his body dropped down further and further. As he fell, more dark hands began to grab hold of him and envelop his body in that same negative space – nonexistence, infinitely opaque. They ran over his body with a sickening slimy, sloshing feeling. His body began to feel numb as they continued to move.

He began to pant hysterically as they touched him all over, coalescing and entrapping him further. He tried in vain to wriggle free. He yelled out into the darkness – “Mommy! Daddy! Somebody, help me-e-e!” He sobbed, watching as the darkness melded into one mass. He felt the descent begin to slow, until the feeling turned into an otherworldly weightlessness.

The movement of the hands stopped. They had submerged him up to his neck. The entirety of his body was paralyzed save for his head. He was floating in a cold, lonely vacuum. The fevered panic that had taken him over earlier was now replaced with only a feeling of frozen, helpless terror.

A face revealed itself to Aoi, only distinguishable by a violet, alien tint, creating a neon glow on its outline against the darkness.  

It cocked its head back, and Aoi could see the outline of a single, straight mass of hair flow down the back of its head. It spoke in a booming, thunderous voice that shook Aoi’s very center of being.

“You’re nothin’, you little kotie. Just give up.”

More tears rolled down Aoi’s cheek as the face disappeared. He asked over and over - Why is this happening…?

As Aoi wondered this, the nothingness enveloping Aoi started to reach further up. He simply looked down, and his heart was hard as stone. The blackness slowly reached up his face, inch by inch.

slish… slosh…

It covered his mouth, but when he tried to cough, he only swallowed some of… nothing… it almost felt like… it were only air, that nonetheless sat like a brick.

It covered his nose and ears. Opening his eyes widely, he struggled to breathe. But nothing happened. He began to suffocate, but try as he might, he couldn’t squirm or resist. Tears were the only answer he could muster to his sorrow.

It covered his eyes… the last of his senses. Unable to even cry anymore, Aoi simply existed, only a spectator to his lungs and heart shriveling up without an air supply. Everything turned red.

Finally, the blackness consumed his brain, claiming his consciousness as its own, all colors, feelings, everything fading. Nothing existed anymore, the umbral matter having entirely enveloped him, blending in with the abyss.

A few moments passed of complete and utter oblivion.

Cold, blank, numb… nonexistence. No feelings, no sadness, no happiness.

Nothing.

                                                                                     X X X

A splitting headache, and sweat soaking his bed greeted Aoi as he shot up from his bed. He was breathing heavily, tears running down his face. He pulled the covers up and looked at his hands and feet.

W-what just happened…?

He held his knees close to his chest, trying to calm his rapid heartbeat. Wiping away his tears, he got up and looked outside.

Just the rich quarter, like always, lit by gaudy-looking gaslights.

Was it just a dream…?

Uneasily, Aoi crept back to his bed and pulled the covers over himself again. He looked around warily, just to double-check that everything was still there. I-I’m sure it was just a dream. Yeah…

Exhausted from his experience, he closed his eyes and returned to sleep for the night.